Jun P. Espina         5 min read
Updated on November 21st, 2022
Here are some tips on how to attract a mature-minded, middle-income, intelligent, godly, well-adjusted, and potential future wife. But, first, may I stress that our approach differs with one’s level of maturity, experience, and godliness? For the young and quite unruly and ungodly girls, we don’t need to waste our time with them. For they should not mother our children. They simply don’t meet our criteria for potential-wife material. But if you want the wild one seriously, then you need to play with one’s game and dance to one’s music, so to speak. Be like your woman in values; birds of a feather flock together.
But if you want the wild one seriously, then you need to play with one’s game and dance to one’s music, so to speak. Be like your woman in values; birds of a feather flock together.
The rule is: A pirate should marry either a whore or a witch!
There are instances, however, of a pirate marrying a Bible woman, and the former became a preacher, and “they lived happily ever after.” Our good-boy-marries-a-good-girl teaching has exceptions, like all other truisms in a love relationship. In marriage, the Bible requirement is always absolute, so we are putting this Holy Book above the others.
Here is the apostle Paul’s inspired instruction, for example, to those planning to settle down in marriage:
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Your Future Wife Shares Your Values and Qualifications
You need to be like your future wife in terms of values and qualifications. Hence, you need to be as good-looking as your fiancée. We need to be like water, customarily, seeking our level of money, intelligence, religion, family background, etc.
However, there are times when the spouses’ preferences, interests, appearances, and even financial capabilities are so drastically different.
The sense of attraction is sometimes beyond explanation, just like a real girl being attracted so dearly to a thief and a drug addict. The bottom line is that if you want as a future wife someone who’s better than you are, then be like a business-minded man who doesn’t have capital but is determined to start his own business, is positive, and works hard to succeed. Be humble. Be willing to pay the price of beauty. Just keep on keeping on, for women are like software, very particular with their own “security” against “viruses” and “spam.” They appreciate someone who is genuinely sincere!
Understand that Your Future Wife is Just Like the Others: Unpredictable!
Don’t be discouraged if she says “no” or be overly joyful if she says “yes,” for what a woman says is not always what she wants.
A good-looking guy courted someone for years but was rejected. Through an accident, the man became one-eyed, but then the girl of his heart mysteriously accepted his love. After around 15 years of marriage, during a heated discussion, the man asked: “Why did you marry me when you knew I was handicapped already?” Answered the wife: “It wasn’t my plan at first, but there was a time you visited me when I was in the best mood ever….” Call it mood swings or whatever, you need to understand that, too!
If You Love Your Future Wife, Then Show It to Her.
The natural woman desires to be loved and appreciated. I mentioned the level of maturity because girls have varying preferences for the man they want to be with as they age. In high school, girls are chasing after the school’s best athlete or their favorite guy on campus. But at the age, say, 21, they look for someone who could give them a better future, even if the guy is not as attractive as the others. It is also the time when women are very particular about the way they are loved and appreciated.
If you understand this feminine expectation, the best approach is to send a message of appreciation in whatever form: chocolate, flowers, or a well-written text message. I’m suggesting an entirely worded text message, well written, enough to stir up one’s feelings. Never give the woman of your heart—your future wife, if you will—the impression that you’re dull and can’t compose one correct sentence of love. If you’re just average-minded, don’t desire the princess!
“What a woman says is not always what she wants.”
There are less successful men, however, who are just average-minded, and not so good-looking either, yet they have good, intelligent, godly, and beautiful wives. I have written somewhere that marriage is an opportunity. But it is beyond our discussion.
If you want a future wife who is better than you are, then show your love to her. My advice to married men is simple: never show appreciation to a lady who is not your wife. Otherwise, you’ll be remembered by her. Or won’t it be the beginning of your worst marital nightmares? If you have a wife already, go easy on making a woman feel important to you.
A Word of Caution: Never Expect a Perfect Future Wife
If you’ve already spent a fortune on someone so beautiful in your eyes, never expect that girl to be perfect. Love your future wife for what she is, and you’ll become happy. Women are full of mysteries, and most of them have met with different men already at a very young age. Yes, you love her so much, but you’re not her first man anymore. So, keep in mind that virginity has become a thing of the past in almost all cultures. Be prepared to accept that soon you’ll be giving all your salaries and farms to a beautiful wife who had been sleeping with other men before. But if your girl is still pure, then you’re more fortunate than the others.
Here’s what the Bible teaches about your good future wife:
Description of a Worthy Woman
10 An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels.
11 The heart of her husband trusts in her, And he will have no lack of gain.
12 She does him good and not evil All the days of her life.
13 She looks for wool and flax And works with her hands in delight [resourceful, hardworking and positive-minded].
14 She is like merchant ships; She brings her food from afar [helping the husband].
15 She rises also while it is still night And gives food to her household And portions to her maidens [thoughtful, loving and kind].
16 She considers a field and buys it [knows good judgment]; From her earnings she plants a vineyard [wise in financial management, not shopaholic].
17 She girds herself with strength And makes her arms strong.
18 She senses that her gain is good; Her lamp does not go out at night.
19 She stretches out her hands to the distaff, And her hands grasp the spindle [not irritated with household chores].
20 She extends her hand to the poor, And she stretches out her hands to the needy [merciful and godly].
21 She is not afraid of the snow for her household, For all her household are clothed with scarlet [future-oriented, dependable].
22 She makes coverings for herself; Her clothing is fine linen and purple [decent, not whorish].
23 Her husband is known in the gates, When he sits among the elders of the land [her husband is equally respectable and success-oriented–seeks her own level!].
24 She makes linen garments and sells them [business-minded], And supplies belts to the tradesmen.
25 Strength and dignity are her clothing [not particular with the tide of fashion], And she smiles at the future [confident and dignified].
26 She opens her mouth in wisdom [intelligent], And the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
27 She looks well to the ways of her household, And does not eat the bread of idleness [faithful and industrious].
28 Her children rise up and bless her; Her husband also, [well loved by her children] and he praises her, saying:
29 “Many daughters have done nobly, But you excel them all [well appreciated by the husband].”
30 Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.
31 Give her the product of her hands, And let her works praise her in the gates [not a non-sense woman].
Proverbs 31:10-31 NASB